CUSTOMER CARE 2020 – A MUST READ !

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut ….”

Customer: “Helloo, can I order..”
Operator : “Can I have your multipurpose card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s eh…, hold……….on……889861356102049998-45-54610”
Operator : “OK… you’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from
17 Changi Road. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302
and your mobile is 0142662566. ”

Customer: “How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”
Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer: “How come?”
Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”
Operator : “Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”
Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Hokkien Dishes”
from the National library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how
much will that cost?”
Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The
total is $49.99”

Customer: “Can I pay by! credit card?”
Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card
is over the limit and you owe your bank $3, 720.55 since October last
year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing
loan, Sir.”

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and
withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”
Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash
ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can
always come and collect it on your motorcycle…”

Customer: ” What!”
Operator : “According to the details in system, you own a
Scooter,….registration number 1123…”

Customer: ” ?”
Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… by the way… aren’t you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?”
Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re
also diabetic……. ”

Customer: …. (abusive language )
Operator : “Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July
1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a
policeman…?”

Customer: [Faints]

COURTESY : FUNONTHENET.IN

**Even GOD has SENSE OF HUMOUR………….!!!**

God was in the process of creating the universe.

And he was explaining to his subordinates

“Look everything should be in balance”.

For example, after every 10 deer there should be a lion.

Look here my fellow angels, here is the country of the United States.

I have blessed them with prosperity and money.

But at the same time I have given them insecurity and tension….

And here is Africa.

I have given them beautiful nature.

But at the same time, I have given them climatic extremes.

And here is South America.

I have given them lots of forests.

But at the same time, I have given them lesser land so that they would

have to cut off the forests…

So you see fellows, everything should be in balance.

One of the angels asked…

“God, what is this extremely beautiful country here?”

God said……. “Ahah…that is the crown piece of all.

“INDIA“

My most precious creation.

It has understanding and friendly People.

Sparkling streams and serene mountains.

A culture which speaks of the great tradition that they live.

Technologically brilliant and with a heart of gold…..

The angel was quite surprised:

“But God you said everything should be in balance.”

God replied —

“Look at the neighbours I gave them.”

COURTESY :funonthenet.in

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA

Well…..
India is having complicated Tax structure. Its True….Pl. Read till the last line, am sure that you will enjoy it.

TAX STRUCTURE IN INDIA………………………………………………….

1) Ques. : What are you doing?   
Ans. : Business.   
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!   

2) Ques. : What are you doing in Business?   
Ans. : Selling the Goods.   
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!!   

3) Ques. : From where are you getting Goods?   
Ans. : From other State/Abroad   
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI!   

4) Ques. : What are you getting in Selling Goods?   
Ans. : Profit.   
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!   

5) Ques. : How do you distribute profit ?   
Ans : By way of dividend   
Tax : Pay dividend distribution Tax   

6) Ques. : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?   
Ans. : Factory.   
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!   

7) Ques. : Do you have Office / Warehouse/ Factory?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!   

8) Ques. : Do you have Staff?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!   

9) Ques. : Doing business in Millions?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!   
Ans : No   
Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax   

10) Ques. : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?   
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.   
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

11) Ques.: Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?   
Ans. : Hotel   
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT  TAX!   

12) Ques.: Are you going Out of Station for Business?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX!   

13) Ques.: Have you taken or given any Service/s?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX!   

14) Ques.: How come you got such a Big Amount?   
Ans. : Gift on birthday.   
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX!   

15) Ques.: Do you have any Wealth?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX!   

16) Ques.: To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?   
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.   
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX!   

17) Ques.: Have you purchased House?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE !   

18) Ques.: How you Travel?   
Ans. : Bus   
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE!   

19) Ques.: Any Additional Tax?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.’s TAX !!!

20) Ques.: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?   
Ans. : Yes   
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY!   

21) INDIAN :: Can I Die Now??   
Ans ::: Wait we are about to launch the FUNERAL TAX!!! 
 

In reality only 3% of our population in India is paying tax and rest is enjoying benefits ! 

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

TO BE HONEST AT INTERVIEWS

                                                   Honest answers

1. Why did you apply for this job?

I have applied for many jobs along with this one and it’s just that you called me first.

2. Why do you want to work for this company?

I have to work for some company, whoever gives me a job, I don’t have any specific company in mind.

3. Why should I hire you?

You have to hire someone, you may give me a try.

4. What would you do if this happened?

Well, it depends on my mindset and mood in that situation…

5. What is your biggest strength?

I dare to join any company who pays me well, without thinking about the fate of company.

6. What is your biggest weakness?

Girls

7. What was your worst mistake and how did you learn from it?

Joining my earlier company and I learnt that I need to switch my job to get more money, so I am here today.

8. What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?

Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job? I could demand more and stay there.

9. Describe a challenge that you faced and how did you overcome it?

Biggest challenge is answering the question “why are you looking for a change” and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.

10. Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?

For the same reason why you left your previous job.

11. What do you want from this job?

No work and good hikes.

12. What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?

Making more money and for that I keep switching jobs every two years.

13. What do you know about our company?

I knew you will ask me this question. So, I’ve gone through your website.

14. What salary are you expecting?

Well, no one will change his job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting right now. I know you will bargain on whatever I ask. So I have already hiked my current salary by 30%.

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

JOKES FOR ENGINEERS

MISTAKES

If a barber makes a mistake,
It’s a new style…
 
If a driver makes a mistake,
It is an accident…

If a doctor makes a mistake,
It’s an operation…

If a engineer makes a mistake,
It is a new venture…

If parents makes a mistake,
It is a new generation…

If a politician makes a mistake,
It is a new law…

If a scientist makes a mistake,
It is a new invention…

If a tailor makes a mistake,
It is a new fashion…

If a teacher makes a mistake,
It is a new theory…

If our boss makes a mistake,
It is our mistake…

If an employee makes a mistake,
It is a “MISTAKE“

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

1981 & 2005 – Two Interesting Years !!

 

Interesting Year 1981

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The pope died
 
 
Interesting Year 2005

1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes.
4. The pope died

Lesson to be learned:
The next time Charles gets married, somebody warn the Pope.

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

” ClassiC DefinitionS & CooL MeaningS “

1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs : Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage : It’s an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce : Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either”.
6. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office : A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.
20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet.”
24. Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father : A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal : A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Software Engineer : One who gets paid for reading such blogs……!

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

IMAGINE! ENGLISH IS A FUNNY LANGUAGE!!!!!

In what other language do people drive in a parkway and park in a driveway?

Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?

Why is it that when we transport something by car, it’s called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it’s called cargo?

Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bikes called cyclists?

In what other language do they call the third hand on the clock the second hand?

Why is it called a TV set when you get only one?

Why – in our crazy language – can your nose run and your feet smell?

Sometimes you have to believe that all English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane:

If olive oil is made of olives, what do they make baby oil from?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian consume?

A writer is someone who writes, and a stinger is something that stings.

But fingers don’t fing and grocers don’t groce.

If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn’t the plural of booth be beeth?

If the teacher taught, why isn’t it also true that the preacher praught?

If harmless actions are the opposite of harmful actions, why is shameless and shameful behavior the same?

English is a language in which you can turn a light on and you can turn a light off and you can turn a light out, but you can’t turn a light in;

In which the sun comes up and goes down, but prices go up and come down.

In which your nose can simultaneously burn up and burn down and your car can slow up and slow down, in which you can fill in a form by filling out a form and in which your alarm clock goes off by going on.

English is a crazy language. What is it that when the sun or the moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible; and why when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?

Tricky Plurals
===============

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;

but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,

yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;

yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

If the plural of man is always called men,

why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,

and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,

why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

Then one may be that, and three would be those,

yet hat in the plural would never be hose,

and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,

but though we say mother, we never say methren.

Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

LETS FACE IT, ENGLISH IS A CRAZY LANGUAGE!

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

US PRESIDENT INTERACTS WITH SCHOOL CHILDREN

US President went to School to interact with children.
He asked if they had any question. One boy raised his hand.

Obama – What’s your name?

Boy – John.

Obama – What’s your ques.?

John – Sir, I’ve 3 questions –

1. Why did America attack Iraq without approval of UN?

2. Where is Osama?

3. Why does America support Pakistan so much?

Obama – You are an intelligent student John.
(Just then the recess bell rang)

Obama – Oh students we will continue after the recess is over.

AFTER THE RECESS :

Obama – Ok, children where were we? So anybody want’s 2 ask question?      Peter raises hand.

Obama – Wat’s ur name?

Peter – I’ve 5 questions –

1. Why did America attack Iraq without approval of UN?

2. Where is Osama?

3. Why does America support Pakistan so much?

4. Why did recess bell ring 20 mins before the time?

5. Where is John?

COURTESY : funonthenet.in

SCHOOL DAYS ARE FUN ——- CHECK THIS OUT — DO NOT MISS A SINGLE LINE……..

IMAGE COURTESY : SUJOY BHATTACHARYYA

WHAT IS YOUR SALARY PER MINUTE

Shah Rukh Khan 

What:   ACTOR

How much:  Rs 247 per minute

The King Khan, who started off modestly as a ‘Fauji’, made about Rs 13 crore last year. This included his endorsement deals for Pepsi, Hyundai Santro – and of course, wetting himself in a bathtub, surrounded by women for HLL’s Lux.  

Sachin Tendulkar

What:      CRICKETER
How much:  Rs 1,163 per minute

India’s most loved sportsman makes a lot more than most CEOs of Indian companies, going by his annual remuneration for 2004-2005. Breaking itdown, his three-year contract for endorsements is worth Rs 180 crores. He is also paid Rs 2,35,000 for a five-day test match and Rs 2,50,000 for one dayers. 

A little bit of elementary math: This highest paid cricketer in the world makes around Rs 61.15 crore a year, or Rs 1,163 per minute.

Mukesh Ambani 

What:    CMD of Reliance Industries Ltd 
How much:  Rs 413 per minute 

Head honcho of the $16.5 billion Reliance Industries Limited, Mukesh Ambani was ranked the world’s 56th richest man in Forbe’s list. But since this is only about salaries (and the like), we’ll completely ignore his other earnings. Last year, Mr Amb a ni earned Rs 21.72 crore; a neat growth of 87 per cent over his previous year’s earnings. He makes not less than Rs 413 per minute. 

Amitabh Bachchan 

What:  ACTOR 
How much:  Rs 361 per minute

Kaun Banega Crorepati? Apparently, Mr Bachchan! With more endorsements and film releases per year than successful actors half his age, Bachchan’s take-home last year was around Rs 19 crore – that’s Rs 361 per minute.

Now DON’T start calculating your salary.

Such currency (fraction of paise) is yet to be invented.

*All figures based on media reports

 

COURTESY : SANTOSH UPADHYAY